Wednesday, November 18, 2020

Love: Are You and Your Partner Compatible?

Are you and your partner compatible? There are many areas of compatibility in a relationship to consider when trying to find a mate. A valuable piece of information which may assist you, is knowing you and your partners love language. Love language! What is that? Love language has two areas: It allows you to learn how you like to receive affection and gives you ideas on how to provide affection for your spouse once you learn their love language. Love language is comprised of five styles, which we will discuss a little further in the blog. First lets learn a little about the original author.

The five areas that we are going to talk about were developed by author Gary Chapman Ph.D. Gary wrote a book called, "The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts". The author wrote the original book in 1992. In the book, Gary discusses 5 specific ways people like to receive love, along with a communication component. No one has one true category, but rather a hybrid of several categories. Some categories are more dominant than others, which means these types are more your preference. But do not rule the other types out. Preference may very and change based on goals, life experiences, and circumstances. The five love languages that Gary discusses are described in brief in the chart below:

These 5 types of languages are not just important in dating, but in other areas of life. The five love languages became familiar to me in one of my leadership roles in a hospital facility in which I was employed. The book was used to facilitate effective communication between leaders. First, we each took a version on Chapman's test individually. Once we discovered our own language style, it was easier to communicate our needs to each other. Once we understood each others language style, we became a more effective leadership team. 

Isn't this the same goal in a relationship? To unite and become stronger as a team. If you are a little bit curious about what your love language results are, you may take the quiz at I am glad my fiance and I completed the quiz. It definitely was an eye opener, and will be a repeat use in our future😊! If you find the book and quiz helpful here are other relationship books written by Author Gary Chapman. They are as follows:

  1. The Five Languages of Apology
  2. The Four Seasons of Marriage
  3. Things I Wished I'd Known Before We Got Married
  4. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work

There is one point I do want to stress about these books. These books make you question different areas in your relationship, and obtain a different perception. In completing the provided self-test frequently, you may realize your relationship needs have changed. A change in love language is not a negative concept. It just means you are evolving and growing. As you grow and change, so does your needs. When change occur and it is not communicated to your partner, chaos can erupt. Communication is always the answer, but is easier said than 

In a relationship it is very easy to project the love language that suits you. In doing so, you believe you are showing your partner love. It is quite the opposite. Let us converse about an example. So, let us say your love language is gifts and your partners is physical touch. To show your affection you buy your partner frequent gifts but never show physical contact. In actuality you have fulfilled your own love language and not your partners. Although the thought was good, your partners love needs are unfulfilled. This is what I mean when I say it is easier to know what type of love language each partner needs, than it is to complete the action of making them feel their own love language. I am very guilty of this one. But, do not be so hard on yourself! No one is expecting you to be an expert in expressing the kind of love your partner needs over night. Being compatible and making sure each other needs are met takes work. Here are a few clues that you and your partner loves needs differ. They are as follows:

  1. It drives you crazy when your partner doesn't take your plans seriously and treats them as unimportant.
  2. Words of encouragement is not your partners strong suit, and it makes you feel undervalued.
  3. Your partner was upset you did not bring a souvenir from a vacation trip, and you were upset that your spouse expected some type of gift.
  4. Your spouse does not randomly bring flowers home, and you are not impressed by their lack of actions.

Let me just place a disclaimer. The actions stated above are not a depiction of my spouse. Also, having different love languages does not mean you are incompatible. Differences mean you have to work a little harder to understand one another and work on being in sync. There is nothing wrong with a little hard work😉! Is your partner worth a little work? Mine certainly is, because I know he has to put in some work for

Although the book on love languages is very useful, I want to bring to light the variables that may effect the quiz results. A few include but are not limited to: Culture, religion, gender, up bringing, past relationship experiences, and sexuality. The love language concept is not a cure but a starting point for communication. It is not designed to bring complete happiness, but it is a nice starting point for couples. 

* There are several versions of this book (Topics cover couples, children, teens, and singles), but the information provided is not all-inclusive. Rather, the books provides information for the communication process and partner exploration. Please, always seek professional advise when needed. Are you and your partner compatible? Please subscribe via e-mail on the right, and leave a comment in the comment section below.  As always, thanks for reading and subscribing! *

Thursday, November 12, 2020

LIFE: Abstinence the Second Time Around

Everyone whispers about abstinence, but no one speaks about it out loud. Let us address this taboo topic. Several weeks ago on "The Sunday View" the topic of abstinence was brought to light (HITS 92.3-Internet Radio). Not only was the topic relevant to my fiance and my current situation, the show had a biblical stand point on the word. Sometimes the words abstinence and celibacy are used interchangeably. For the purpose of the blog we will used the word abstinence. Wikipedia defines abstinence as being a self-enforced restraint from indulging in bodily activities that are widely experienced as giving pleasure. Our focus will be placed on a general view of the word. Many people are not aware there are several types of abstinence. They are as follow: 

  • Food
  • Smoking
  • Alcohol
  • Pleasure
  • Sexual
  • Organizations

The type of abstinence most people associate with is sexual. Wikipedia describes sexual abstinence as refraining from some or all aspects of sexual activity for medical, psychological, legal, social, financial, philosophical, moral, or religious reasons. For our relationship, the focus was religion. Now here is where the tricky part comes in. For me practicing abstinence for the second time around is taking patience and some maneuvering. I will not speak for my fiance on this When you know you and your partner are sexually compatible, abstinence is a little harder. Plus we live in the same household. Abstinence was important to him once we got engaged and until we said our vows. Honestly, the reason why was not important to me, all that mattered is that abstinence was important to him. Which made abstinence important to me. In the past, I have practiced abstinence. I was single, and it allowed me to complete some soul searching and discover other areas in life that made me happy. Maybe abstinence will work for you😊! Here are a few tips and tricks to help you with abstaining from sexual pleasure. They are as follow:

  • Remind yourself the reason you are abstaining
  • Avoid situations that will set you up for failure
  • Make sure to have supportive people around you who support your decision
  • Focus on other aspects of your relationship
  • Be honest about your feelings and how abstinence is making you feel
  • Remind yourself abstinence has an end date or expiration

I hate to say this, but abstaining from sexual pleasure allows you to focus on other areas in your life and relationship. We have been able to focus on many other areas of our relationship due to this tactic. Some items in a relationship which needs addressing may gets glossed over when sex is the main focus. Here are some other areas of your relationship you can focus on when practicing abstinence. They are:

  • Learning what your partner enjoys beside sexual pleasure
  • Enjoy more time achieving personal goals and/or couple goals
  • Focus on other forms of connection as a couple mentally and spiritually
  • Still discuss sex. Yes, I said Sex should not become a taboo topic, but still discussed openly. You may realize as a couple how you use sex as a crutch.
  • Learning other areas of compatibility
  • Allow you time to build trust in other areas of your relationship

Although abstinence was one of our premarital focal points, it may not work for everyone. There are a few negative aspects of abstinence. This is why communication is very important. I feel if communication is done effectively, it my decrease the chance of a negative outcome. A few negative aspects are:

  • sexual frustration
  • loss of affection
  • Insecurity
  • Anxiety

The feelings stated above may creep in, if communication is not being completed on a regular basis. Communication is key to keeping a lot of negative feeling at bay. When planning abstinence in a relationship it is important to discuss the rules. Rules should include the level of abstinence you and your partner are willing to practice. I will leave levels of abstinence for another Knowing the rules will ensure everyone is on the same playing field. Also, it does not allow each participant to have unrealistic expectations of the level of abstinence. No matter what type of abstinence you choose, make sure it works for you and your partner. Have fun and enjoy learning more about your partner on a different level. Remember, in this case abstinence does not last forever!

*What are your thoughts about abstinence? Does it work? Have you tried it?. The information provided above is not all inclusive, but a starting point. Please subscribe via e-mail on the right, and leave a comment in the comment section below. As always, thanks for reading and subscribing!*

Sunday, November 1, 2020

Life: Meal Prep-Quick Egg Sausage Loaf

Who wants a quick breakfast recipe?  Everyone wants a recipe that is going to save them time. Let us make a recipe using eggs. There are so many ways to cook this high protein food. The egg sausage loaf is sure to satisfy your early morning hunger. There are a plethora of ways to top this loaf. Surely you will get through the week with this tasty dish. Lets dive into this quick egg sausage loaf recipe.

  1. First gather these items. Items needed are:
      1. 1 loaf pan
      2. 1 medium size skillet
      3. 1 medium mixing bowl
      4. 7 whole eggs
      5. A half a pound of ground breakfast sausage (This item may be substituted. You may use: Turkey sausage, hamburger, bacon, and etc.)
      6. Olive oil spray
      7. 1/2 a cup of spicy shredded cheese ( This item may be substituted. Some other examples are: Colby jack, cheddar cheese, and etc.)
      8. 2 tablespoons of dehydrated onions
      9. Oregano seasoning (This item may be substituted. You may season dish with spices of you liking.)
  2. Second- Spray skillet with olive oil spray. Make sure skillet is entirely coated with a thin layer. On top of stove place skillet on medium heat. Place a half pound of ground breakfast sausage in bottom of skillet. Cook for 10 minutes or until brown. Keep sausage crumbled during the browning process. While browning breakfast sausage, preheat oven to 400 degrees Fahrenheit.
  3. Third- Place 7 eggs in a mixing bowl. Mix eggs until mixture is smooth. Add 2 tablespoons of dehydrated onions during the mixing process.
  4. Take a loaf pan and spray with olive oil spray. Ensure the entire pan is coated with olive oil spray. Breakfast sausage should be browned by the end of the mixing process. Place two thirds of the brown breakfast sausage at the bottom of the loaf pan. Remember to make sure the bottom of the loaf pan is completely covered with the breakfast sausage. 
  5. NextAdd 1/4 cup of shredded cheese over the breakfast sausage. Pour the egg mixture over the cheese layer. Then sprinkle the rest of the breakfast sausage on top of the egg layer. The egg layer is thick so the breakfast sausage will stay on top. Sprinkle a pinch of cheese on top and place in oven. Let the egg sausage loaf cook for 25 minutes. 
  6. Then- At the 25 minute mark, take the loaf out of the oven. Sprinkle the remaining cheese on top and add a few spices. I used oregano for this recipe. Place in oven for 5 more minutes.
  7. Finally- Remove and let cool for 10 to 15 minutes, slice and serve. Recipe makes 8 servings.
  8. (Optional)-You may place toppings of your liking on top of the egg sausage loaf (Examples are: Salsa, sour cream, avocado, and etc). Voila, your done!

*How do you quick prep your egg dish? Remember this quick egg sausage loaf can be modified to your liking. It takes 35 minutes to complete from prep to cook completion. Please share, subscribe via e-mail on the right, and leave a comment in the comment section below. As always, thanks for reading and subscribing!*