Thursday, November 12, 2020

LIFE: Abstinence the Second Time Around

Everyone whispers about abstinence, but no one speaks about it out loud. Let us address this taboo topic. Several weeks ago on "The Sunday View" the topic of abstinence was brought to light (HITS 92.3-Internet Radio). Not only was the topic relevant to my fiance and my current situation, the show had a biblical stand point on the word. Sometimes the words abstinence and celibacy are used interchangeably. For the purpose of the blog we will used the word abstinence. Wikipedia defines abstinence as being a self-enforced restraint from indulging in bodily activities that are widely experienced as giving pleasure. Our focus will be placed on a general view of the word. Many people are not aware there are several types of abstinence. They are as follow: 

  • Food
  • Smoking
  • Alcohol
  • Pleasure
  • Sexual
  • Organizations

The type of abstinence most people associate with is sexual. Wikipedia describes sexual abstinence as refraining from some or all aspects of sexual activity for medical, psychological, legal, social, financial, philosophical, moral, or religious reasons. For our relationship, the focus was religion. Now here is where the tricky part comes in. For me practicing abstinence for the second time around is taking patience and some maneuvering. I will not speak for my fiance on this When you know you and your partner are sexually compatible, abstinence is a little harder. Plus we live in the same household. Abstinence was important to him once we got engaged and until we said our vows. Honestly, the reason why was not important to me, all that mattered is that abstinence was important to him. Which made abstinence important to me. In the past, I have practiced abstinence. I was single, and it allowed me to complete some soul searching and discover other areas in life that made me happy. Maybe abstinence will work for you😊! Here are a few tips and tricks to help you with abstaining from sexual pleasure. They are as follow:

  • Remind yourself the reason you are abstaining
  • Avoid situations that will set you up for failure
  • Make sure to have supportive people around you who support your decision
  • Focus on other aspects of your relationship
  • Be honest about your feelings and how abstinence is making you feel
  • Remind yourself abstinence has an end date or expiration

I hate to say this, but abstaining from sexual pleasure allows you to focus on other areas in your life and relationship. We have been able to focus on many other areas of our relationship due to this tactic. Some items in a relationship which needs addressing may gets glossed over when sex is the main focus. Here are some other areas of your relationship you can focus on when practicing abstinence. They are:

  • Learning what your partner enjoys beside sexual pleasure
  • Enjoy more time achieving personal goals and/or couple goals
  • Focus on other forms of connection as a couple mentally and spiritually
  • Still discuss sex. Yes, I said Sex should not become a taboo topic, but still discussed openly. You may realize as a couple how you use sex as a crutch.
  • Learning other areas of compatibility
  • Allow you time to build trust in other areas of your relationship

Although abstinence was one of our premarital focal points, it may not work for everyone. There are a few negative aspects of abstinence. This is why communication is very important. I feel if communication is done effectively, it my decrease the chance of a negative outcome. A few negative aspects are:

  • sexual frustration
  • loss of affection
  • Insecurity
  • Anxiety

The feelings stated above may creep in, if communication is not being completed on a regular basis. Communication is key to keeping a lot of negative feeling at bay. When planning abstinence in a relationship it is important to discuss the rules. Rules should include the level of abstinence you and your partner are willing to practice. I will leave levels of abstinence for another Knowing the rules will ensure everyone is on the same playing field. Also, it does not allow each participant to have unrealistic expectations of the level of abstinence. No matter what type of abstinence you choose, make sure it works for you and your partner. Have fun and enjoy learning more about your partner on a different level. Remember, in this case abstinence does not last forever!

*What are your thoughts about abstinence? Does it work? Have you tried it?. The information provided above is not all inclusive, but a starting point. Please subscribe via e-mail on the right, and leave a comment in the comment section below. As always, thanks for reading and subscribing!*

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