Wednesday, November 18, 2020

Love: Are You and Your Partner Compatible?

Are you and your partner compatible? There are many areas of compatibility in a relationship to consider when trying to find a mate. A valuable piece of information which may assist you, is knowing you and your partners love language. Love language! What is that? Love language has two areas: It allows you to learn how you like to receive affection and gives you ideas on how to provide affection for your spouse once you learn their love language. Love language is comprised of five styles, which we will discuss a little further in the blog. First lets learn a little about the original author.

The five areas that we are going to talk about were developed by author Gary Chapman Ph.D. Gary wrote a book called, "The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts". The author wrote the original book in 1992. In the book, Gary discusses 5 specific ways people like to receive love, along with a communication component. No one has one true category, but rather a hybrid of several categories. Some categories are more dominant than others, which means these types are more your preference. But do not rule the other types out. Preference may very and change based on goals, life experiences, and circumstances. The five love languages that Gary discusses are described in brief in the chart below:

These 5 types of languages are not just important in dating, but in other areas of life. The five love languages became familiar to me in one of my leadership roles in a hospital facility in which I was employed. The book was used to facilitate effective communication between leaders. First, we each took a version on Chapman's test individually. Once we discovered our own language style, it was easier to communicate our needs to each other. Once we understood each others language style, we became a more effective leadership team. 

Isn't this the same goal in a relationship? To unite and become stronger as a team. If you are a little bit curious about what your love language results are, you may take the quiz at I am glad my fiance and I completed the quiz. It definitely was an eye opener, and will be a repeat use in our future😊! If you find the book and quiz helpful here are other relationship books written by Author Gary Chapman. They are as follows:

  1. The Five Languages of Apology
  2. The Four Seasons of Marriage
  3. Things I Wished I'd Known Before We Got Married
  4. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work

There is one point I do want to stress about these books. These books make you question different areas in your relationship, and obtain a different perception. In completing the provided self-test frequently, you may realize your relationship needs have changed. A change in love language is not a negative concept. It just means you are evolving and growing. As you grow and change, so does your needs. When change occur and it is not communicated to your partner, chaos can erupt. Communication is always the answer, but is easier said than 

In a relationship it is very easy to project the love language that suits you. In doing so, you believe you are showing your partner love. It is quite the opposite. Let us converse about an example. So, let us say your love language is gifts and your partners is physical touch. To show your affection you buy your partner frequent gifts but never show physical contact. In actuality you have fulfilled your own love language and not your partners. Although the thought was good, your partners love needs are unfulfilled. This is what I mean when I say it is easier to know what type of love language each partner needs, than it is to complete the action of making them feel their own love language. I am very guilty of this one. But, do not be so hard on yourself! No one is expecting you to be an expert in expressing the kind of love your partner needs over night. Being compatible and making sure each other needs are met takes work. Here are a few clues that you and your partner loves needs differ. They are as follows:

  1. It drives you crazy when your partner doesn't take your plans seriously and treats them as unimportant.
  2. Words of encouragement is not your partners strong suit, and it makes you feel undervalued.
  3. Your partner was upset you did not bring a souvenir from a vacation trip, and you were upset that your spouse expected some type of gift.
  4. Your spouse does not randomly bring flowers home, and you are not impressed by their lack of actions.

Let me just place a disclaimer. The actions stated above are not a depiction of my spouse. Also, having different love languages does not mean you are incompatible. Differences mean you have to work a little harder to understand one another and work on being in sync. There is nothing wrong with a little hard work😉! Is your partner worth a little work? Mine certainly is, because I know he has to put in some work for

Although the book on love languages is very useful, I want to bring to light the variables that may effect the quiz results. A few include but are not limited to: Culture, religion, gender, up bringing, past relationship experiences, and sexuality. The love language concept is not a cure but a starting point for communication. It is not designed to bring complete happiness, but it is a nice starting point for couples. 

* There are several versions of this book (Topics cover couples, children, teens, and singles), but the information provided is not all-inclusive. Rather, the books provides information for the communication process and partner exploration. Please, always seek professional advise when needed. Are you and your partner compatible? Please subscribe via e-mail on the right, and leave a comment in the comment section below.  As always, thanks for reading and subscribing! *

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